Home
Videos
Photos
Music
Blogs
Addas
Wall
Mobile
The more I care about someone, the more I accidentally allow them to oppress me (is a realization that struck me recently). The other day a dear friend of mine came up to me and asked me if I could go out shopping with her. I was in the midst of research on phyto sterols and its effect on cholesterol and really didn’t want to go out. But I was too ‘nice’ to tell her that so I had to choose to go out shopping and subtly resented myself for giving up my research.
A few days later once again she asked me to accompany her for a late night do (as she was going through some depression and needed to lift her mood). I was trying to meet my Thursday deadline for one of my columns. I felt the resentment rise up in me again and a little voice inside me said “don’t do that to your self again!”
Do you really enjoy going out late night and ruin your next morning too?”(The next morning I had to take my thirteen year old daughter for tennis coaching at 6:30 am). I gathered up enough courage to tell her to count me out, but one look at her pleading face… and I found myself agreeing to her!. Of course later I had to pay the price of being ‘nice’ as I overshot my deadline for my column and barely made it to the tennis coaching next morning.
Lessons learnt
I do believe that every situation in our life teaches us something. Some aspect about us that needs to be corrected (healed). It dawned upon me that I found it difficult to say ‘no’ to most people dear to me. I realized how important it was not to be ‘nice’. When our niceness allows another person to prevent us from getting our needs met we resent ourselves, our life situation and subtly begin withdrawing from that person. This is not a healthy state for both of us. It is important to learn to say ‘no’. I do believe there are lots of people in the world who cannot say ‘no’ just because their partners or friends may get hurt or angry and cannot take ‘no’ for an answer. If you don’t bring about this correction in your life, then you will have to continue to obey and suffer.
So true most difficult is to say NO
[ REPORT ABUSE ]If you can’t say ‘No’ in any relation because of the fear of losing it then that relation is not real….thats an illusion
[ REPORT ABUSE ]You are absolutely correct. It’s an art to say ‘no’ - one has to learn without hurting the person in front. Many a times we face this situation and we just want to remain goody goody and ultimately suffer or loose so many things. Some people encash this situatin and take advantage of it. Madam, can u pl tell us how to inculcate this habit of saying ‘no’? even to our near& dear one .
[ REPORT ABUSE ]a lesson learnt indeed
[ REPORT ABUSE ]But, debapriya, what u can do if u dont learn to say ‘no’.
[ REPORT ABUSE ]its difficult to say no sometimes but if its only the matter of time,u can spare it when u got free…
[ REPORT ABUSE ]I remember reading a book years ago with the title DO YOU FEEL GUILTY WHEN YOU SAY ‘NO’?
[ REPORT ABUSE ]That book dealt with just the situation you describe and advises that you should choose your priorities. If doing what you’re doing is important, then say a firm “No” to the friend who is trying to encroach on your time. If he/she is really a friend he/she will understand you and respect you. And respect is important in any relationship. Isn’t it?