Anjali Mukherjee

Picture this. Tina’s mother has asked little Tina to clean her room of all the mess that she has created. Tina plays with all her toys, leaves them where they are and goes out to play. Her mother tries to reason with Tina that she must clear her room as it will look untidy. But eventually ends up cleaning it herself along with the servants. Another example. Neha takes hours to finish her morning breakfast. Her mother fusses over her and pushes the food into Neha’s mouth so that Neha can be in time for her school bus. More often than not, Neha is unable to finish her breakfast and is hurried out of the house into the waiting bus.

At some point in life all of us have encountered these situations and feel the need to help our children develop self discipline without using punishment or excessive reasoning. Many times parents try to reason with a misbehaving child which is usually futile because reasoning does not satisfy the goals of a child’s misbehaviour. So how does one discipline one’s child? In my opinion the solution is always natural. Allow natural consequences to unfold…..  the pressure of real and natural consequences is usually effective. This simply means to allow your child or the person you are trying to discipline, to experience the consequences of his/her behaviour without trying to buffer the blow.

For instance in the above case, Neha’s mother should inform Neha that she will miss the school bus and therefore miss school if she does not hurry with the breakfast. Allowing her to miss school for one day or more if required would help discipline Neha and bring an end to the daily morning unpleasantness.

Needless to say in case of dangerous consequences, the child should be protected from natural consequences as in; when a child runs into the street in front of a car. But when there is no real danger, it is seldom wise to shield your child from the natural consequences of his behaviour. Explain the consequences in a matter-of-fact tone and allow him to experience the consequences. This, in my opinion is one of the best ways to enable a person to develop a sense of discipline and responsibility.